James King... MOVIES

Youth In Revolt - THE REVIEW

2010-01-19T10:38:00.004Z

Believe it or not, it is possible for Michael Cera to get even more 'Michael Cera'. If you thought Nick & Norah's Infinite Playlist was the last word in skinny jeans angst, shame on you. If you reckoned Juno was the ultimate in oddball attitude, prepare yourself. Youth In Revolt is Michael Cera doing 'Michael Cera' turned up to eleven (but still sounding deliciously weedy).

Meet geeky Nick Twisp, wannabe writer and luckless lover stuck in downtown Nowheresville, living with his trashy mom (Jean Smart) and her latest lover (the weird brilliance of Zach Galifianakis). When the family have to escape from a dodgy business deal, they go to a campsite for a week to hideout. It's here that Nick meets Sheeni (Portia Doubleday), a poster girl for sensitive types. She loves French cinema, vinyl records and obscure poetry. Nick is totally in love. Hell, I was totally in love.

But are his retro t-shirts and ironic chinos enough for her? To make sure, Nick turns into the rebel of Sheeni's fantasies, conjuring up a bad boy alter ego called Francois Dillinger and trying to impress her with his criminal deeds.

It's at this point that the early, deadpan beauty of the first part of the movie - like Juno's wit crossed with Dirty Dancing's first-love-at-a-holiday-park theme - gets a little far-fetched as Nick/Francois gets involved in arson, drugs and cross-dressing. It's essentially a geeky teen movie version of Fight Club. A nice idea - and great to see Cera in a double role as the sleazy Francois - but difficult to pull off unless you really go as dark as David Fincher did. This favours quirky animation over Meat Loaf with man-boobs.

But view this as a small, cute, cult movie and Youth In Revolt is a sweet little thing. Cera has truly carved out a unique role for himself; hilariously outraged and prissy yet dedicated and optimistic. Only he can spout stuffy lines such as 'I refuse to stand for these allegations' with such nerdy integrity. I'm sure he knows that the joke will one day wear thin. But for now, such an effortless oddness is still a wonderful thing to watch.

Have a trailer on me:

Sherlock Holmes - THE REVIEW

2009-12-12T20:49:00.004Z

This is the classiest pic that Guy Rich-Tea has ever made.

This is the wannabe geezer in mainstream, family territory for the first time and you know what, it suits the ex-Mr Madge. By reigning in the traits that made his name - but which soon became cliches - but by still using his sharp eye for a slick moment, he's created a great action movie. It's got an Indiana Jones feel to it, that kind of old-skool caper. A romp. The sequel potential is massive - and I actually hope there is one.

Sure, this has got some of Guy's trademark flash - fast cuts, replaying scenes from different points-of-view - but it's not showy. Of course, he gets a bit 'cockerney' too but then, this is set in Victorian London. You expect a few Dickensian wideboys, guv'nor.

In fact, the London setting rocks - all street urchins and dirty sewers. It's still like that where I live, actually. The city is really used to serve the mystery that Holmes has to solve, a tale of political greed and eerie black magic, centred on the creepy Lord Blackwood (Mark Strong) and his attempts to overthrow the British government.

Most importantly though, Robert Downey Jnr (as Holmes) has created a character that could run and run. He's not the most obviously likable bloke but RDJ's eccentricity makes his self-obsession more palatable. He's just really funny, odd, different. Jude Law's Dr Watson might not be quite so characterful but it's a nice touch that he's been turned in to a gambler. Rachel McAdams **sigh** meanwhile plays eye candy Irene with serious attitude. No-one is just a flat cut-out.

There are occasional giveaways that this had multiple writers and (allegedly) re-shoots and cuts. Sometimes there's just too much going on. But as a reboot it works - Holmes' appeal hasn't diminished, only gotten more enjoyably quirky, especially up against the blandness of, say, Tom Hanks' Dr Robert Langdon. Holmes can also kick ass, as you'll see a in great bareknuckle boxing scene. Come on, this is from the guy that made Snatch. You gotta see a bit of 'claret'.

It's out 26th December.

An Avatar kinda day.

2009-12-10T23:14:00.003Z

Guns aren't cool, people - we know that. But film props are. And who's this movie geek with a real Avatar machine gun?

I was at the 'junket' today, y'see, and there was a whole room dedicated some of the gizmos and artwork from the movie. It would've been rude of me not to have snuck in.

But waaaay more importantly, obviously, I met up with James Cameron for a half hour chat about his life for an ITV2 documentary that I'm presenting. He was on good form. The early days, Arnie, winning 11 Oscars, special FX - you name it, we chatted about it. I also met up with the stars of Avatar too - Sam Worthington (very Aussie, very grounded, very 'the next Russell Crowe'), Sigourney Weaver (like meeting royalty), Zoe Saldana (smart, sexy, thin) and Stephen Lang (the best thing in the movie - a military man with an attitude).

There was a real good buzz about the whole place (a posh hotel in London) and the stars seemed to genuinely believe in the project. I liked it too - but can't go into too much detail yet becayse of the usual embargo-ing.

The doc's going out several times on ITV2, from lunchtime on Sat 19th, so look out for it. It's a pity it's only about 25 mins long as there'll have to be a lot of juicy stuff cut out but hey, it's a start. Hope you enjoy.

Bruno - THE INTERVIEW

2009-11-18T08:02:00.003Z

So I had a 'phone chat with Bruno the other day, as the DVD's now out. And seriously, it was Bruno NOT Sacha Baron-Cohen. He never broke character once.

The interview has had a bit of play on Radio 1 but, frankly, most of it is too out there for daytime radio. So I've decided to transcribe a bit and put it up here instead. Suffice to say, to any lawyers reading, IT'S ALL A JOKE, HE'S NOT SERIOUS, HE'S BEING DELIBERATELY PROVOCATIVE etc etc etc. With Bruno, NOTHING is sacred - which I kinda like...

JK: Hello to my favourite Viennese schnitzel, it's Bruno!

B: Wassup James!

JK: So 2009's been a big year for you. How are you looking back on it?

B: It's been really amazing, James. Really ausgezeichnet. My movie Bruno was a huge success, despite it having more naked guys in it than any Austrian film since the home video of Arnold Schwarzeneggar's stag night. I don't know if you've seen that but it's on You Tube. I'm the little blonde boy in the corner wearing just a jockey's hat.

JK: Christmas is coming up, Bruno. What's it like in your house?

B: Y'know, ich have a traditional Austrian christmas. The whole family are gathered together, mit the young children in their dungeon. We exchange gifts und if ich am lucky I may get from my boyfriend a pet. From my parents maybe some money - some geld. And from my grandparents maybe some stolen Jewish art. And then we have a big meal about 2 o'clock in the afternoon and afterwards the others go for a long walk to burn it off. That's not a problem for me - ich tend to just to the bathroom and... eeeeeuuurgh.

JK: It sounds very festive. You're a fashionista Bruno, what's going to be hot next year?

B: For me fashion's all about going green next year. You've got to go grun. We can all make little sacrifices to help save the planet. It doesn't take much effort to wear new clothes twice before throwing them away.

JK: Back to your film. It was very revealing, Bruno. How do you feel about so many viewers seeing you at your most raw?

B: Well, they haven't seen me at my most raw. My most raw was in Ibiza last year at Simon Cowell's 'scheisser' party. It looked like someone had sledgehammered a watermelon back there. That's also online.

JK: What's been your favourite film of the year?

B: Jesus! Stop it! Stop flirting with me! You're so naughty, you English...

JK: It's the accent, what can I say? What's been you favourite film of the year, Bruno?

B: It's been a great year for gay movies. Bruno, of course, and Milk, und best of all that movie Fast & Furious. Have you seen that? How sexy is the Vin Diesel in that movie? Ich watched it with 500 guys in a theatre in Salzburg. The title Fast & Furious was the perfect metaphor for what was going on in the screening. As was the massive explosion at the end of the film.

Hmmm, I'll leave it there for the moment...

Brothers - THE REVIEW

2009-11-15T18:56:00.003Z

Another 'War On Terror' issues movie, anyone? You want it starring Peter Parker, Donnie Darko and Queen Amidala? And based on an award-winning 2004 Danish film (who doesn't)?

Well, Brothers it is then.

Here's what you need to know:

1. The casting's pretty clever. Tobe and Jake have long been muddled in the public eye, thanks to nookie with Kirsten Dunst and both being up for the role of Spiderman. That kinda gossip may not have gone through the director's mind, but it certainly adds an extra sparkle to their chalk-and-cheese characters.

2. Tobey's really going for it. When he comes back home to his family after being tortured in Afghanistan, he's understandably tormented. There's a bit where he trashes the new kitchen that his brother has installed for him - man, it sends shivers down the spine. He just can't handle being domestic again.

3. There are lots of unanswered questions. It's all deliberate, of course - post traumatic stress disorder tends not to have easy solutions. But it makes for a frustrating watch. Brothers is a film that's better on raising the issues rather than dealing with them.

4. So ultimately, despite the good turn from TM (Jake and Natalie are on autopilot), Brothers is just a bit frustrating. Actually, a bit dull. Director Jim Sheridan (The Boxer, In The Name Of The Father) still has the passion, but his heart-on-sleeve directing still leaves me feeling preached at rather than entertained. It's no surprise that there's a U2 track over the end credits. Yawn.

Brothers is out 22nd January.

Paranormal Activity - THE REVIEW

2009-11-07T13:59:00.002Z

Horror nuts may have heard about Paranormal Activity years ago (it was made in '06) but it's only now gone mainstream, thanks to the determination of writer/director Oren Peli and his producers. With Paramount's millions behind them, the American multiplexes can't get enough of these lo-fi scares, told via Blair Witch/Cloverfield-style 'found video tapes'. Here's what you need to now:

1. Everything about PA is minimal. It's set completely in one house (Peli's own pad, actually) and it's simply home footage of a couple (Micah & Katie) investigating a possible poltergeist. They record everything, including sticking their camera on a tripod in their bedroom at night, then watch back looking for weird stuff.

2. Weird stuff is DEFINITELY found but the pic keeps everything believable. The grainy camera footage helps, so does the down-to-earth acting (from two unknowns). Mainly though, it's the pace. At first, Katie and Micah only notice tiny things; a door closes a little bit at 3am, their car keys move from the worktop to the floor. They're freaked out... yet not massively. But the grip of whatever is in their house tightens and tensions become unbearable.

3. Crucial to this is the repetition of one shot - the static camera in their bedroom, recording night after night. The couple sleep, their door enticingly open. Night-time noises are heard. Was it just the pipes? And are those footsteps on the staircase? A shadow on the wall? You can never be sure. We see this same shot umpteen times over umpteen nights, each time something a little more odd happens. It's a shot I began to dread. A lot of the things it records are banal - Katie getting up at 2am and staring at her boyfriend for an hour and a half (thankfully, we see that on fast forward) but it's precisely that banality that frazzles your nerve endings. Minimalism has never been so unsettling.

4. The horror gets bigger but the pic remains a masterpiece of eliciting thrills from what you don't see rather than what you do. Events seem at a distance. Sounds are heard a long way off. You feel like a helpless voyeur as the initial bubbliness of the film descends into pure, ice-cold terror. Watching someone's personal recording makes you feel privileged to be so close to the action and yet you're not entirely sure what you see. If only you could get closer... and yet you don't want to be too close. As a viewer you never get comfortable.

5. In other words, it scared the living crap out of me. Seriously. It hooks you in and try as you might to not buy into it, the whole thing just feels so NORMAL. Such a style may have come from necessary budget restrictions rather than some great theory of film directing but whatever, it delivers. Small-time movie, big-time screams.

It's out 27th November.

Nowhere Boy - THE REVIEW

2009-11-07T13:29:00.003Z

Interpreting icons for the big screen isn't always a great idea. I'm still recovering from the moment in Cadillac Records where 5 scruffy herberts with plentiful hair rock up to the studio and announce in jarring Mockney tones: "'Ullo... we're the bleedin' Rowling Stownes ain't we" (or something like that.) We're so used to seeing/hearing the real famous people that we feel like we know them already. Movie adaptations are only likely to disappoint.

Posh British artist Sam Taylor-Wood's now had a go at 50s-era John Lennon in Nowhere Boy, with the help of the fella who wrote Control (about Joy Division's Ian Curtis). Here's what you need to know:

1. Even though Sam Taylor-Wood is a 'modern artist' (**the sound of Daily Mail readers getting irate**) this is actually a very mainstream film. Straightforward, clear and classy. It's specifically focused on Lennon aged 15/16, chronicling his relationship with his prissy Auntie Mimi (Kristin Scott-Thomas), who raised him, and his troubled mum Julia (Anne-Marie Duff) who gave him up when he was 5. Basically, both women want to mother him. He just wants to have fun.

Oh... he also meets some bloke called... now what was it... Paul... Paul... Paul Something-Or-Other.

2. The acting is SUPERB. Aaron Johnson as is astounding as JL, full of energy, dreams and laughs. So many laughs. His teen life may have been hard but his gallows humour kept spirits high. Johnson really does create someone unique, someone like you've never seen before. If that's not credit to Lennon, then I dunno what it. Anne-Marie Duff and Kristin Scott-Thomas are also perfect as chalk-and-cheese sisters. Only KS-T can make the eating of soup look so threatening in one lunch scene.

3. It avoids cheesiness. The first meeting with McCartney (oh yeah, that was his name) is sweet, rather than obviously monumental. Thomas Brodie Sangster as Macca is also nicely restrained. And the re-naming of their band from The Quarrymen to The Beatles is so subtle that the latter are never even mentioned.

4. So it's defo worth seeing. A real celebration of the vibrancy of youth, the power of new and exciting music and how both have helped teenagers throughout the years cope with difficult times. If it is a little TV-movie looking in parts, the acting takes it way beyond, well into awards territory.

Nowhere Boy is out 26th December.

A Christmas Carol - THE REVIEW

2009-11-03T15:13:00.003Z

Some things to know about Jim Carrey and the new animated version of A Christmas Carol.

1.) It's out this week (ie. early November). I'm all for whacking on Jonah Lewie's 'Stop The Cavalry' asap, but even I struggle to get festive this early.

2.) It's no longer Charles Dickens' A Christmas Carol. It's now Disney's A Christmas Carol. Normally this would inspire me to write something about how evil corporations are taking over our culture with no thought for our heritage etc etc but point 3) stopped me.

3.) You see, Disney's A Christmas Carol is rather good. Director Robert Zemeckis earnt his seasonal stripes with The Polar Express but this is even more yule-tastic. It's full-on festive Victoriana - snowy streets, candle-lit rooms, roaring fires and street urchins singing carols whilst holding lanterns. Feelgood is not in short supply.

4.) But what adds another level of interest is that it's also true to its literary roots as a ghost story. The spirits that visit Scrooge (Jim Carrey) are really quite haunting, if not scary (esp. The Ghost Of Christmas Yet To Come). Scrooge's apparition of his own death takes things to very bleak, hugely surreal, places and it was then that some kiddywinks in the audience started to freak out and head for the door. I loved it. Also true to the original text, the dialogue is flowery and old-fashioned. It was another thing that bemused a few littl'uns but for me, a surprisingly daring touch for a 2009 blockbuster.

5.) The animation, done by performance capture, is impressive generally although 'humans' still look a little odd, a touch lifeless. Carrey's Scrooge overcomes this by being beautifully sinewy and slithery but supporting roles such as Colin Firth's Fred (Scrooge's nephew) is stodgy. It looks like Colin Firth but if Colin Firth had been drawn by one of those ropey portrait sketchers you get in London's Leicester Sq. Luckily the glorious flow of the movie, all creepy angles and aerial shots, makes up for this.

6.) The result? It looks good, it feels good and it scares the crap outta you. There's a quote for the poster. The Christmas cheer is infectious but the haunting undertones are what really hit your heart hard.

This Is It - THE REVIEW

2009-10-28T03:49:00.004Z

So... Jacko's rehearsal footage of what would've been his final gigs has been stuck together by the bloke who directed High School Musical (Kenny Ortega) and is now on the big screen within months of the legend's death. Not a good sign.

Here's what you need to know:

1. The pic's opening dedication 'For the fans' is a bad start. Directors say their film is 'for the fans' when they know that the majority of ordinary punters are gonna hate it. The movie proper then begins with dancers in tears telling us how happy they are to be working with MJ, then some Wanna Be Startin' Somethin' trial runs. To be honest, it's average.

2. But the music sounds amazing. Michael's vocals are patchy - he wasn't even trying to be 100% - but the band is tight, the editing tighter, and played over cinema speakers the classics send shivers down the spine. But still Jacko seems like a shadowy figure. Designers, choreographers, costumiers are all interviewed but MJ is a mumbly man in the background for the first 20 minutes.

3. Then we start to really see him. The perfectionism, the easy going chats, the gags. Whilst this is definitely not a film about Michael's private life, we see a clear picture of a professional. Every aspect of the impending show is in his head. He knows exactly how he wants it to be and is happy - often hilariously - to tell everyone. He looks at home on the stage and his ambition knows no bounds. Yet he's also very casual and it's certainly the most I've seen of Jacko as 'just a guy', the kind of man that his friends have been saying he is for years but which the media liked to ignore.

4. So the movie becomes a snapshot of what could have been. A performer who appears to be on top form smashes his way through umpteen tracks and has a vision for a spectacular event. We can only sit back, enjoy at least having this much, but also muse on what could have been. It's pretty electrifying, actually.

5. And what you're left with is a breathtaking but undeniably strange viewing experience. This is a movie that only got made because its star died. It's been hyped beyond belief yet details have been kept meticulously secret. Just watching it at the London premiere was a major event (for starters, it was at 1am!). Normally that kind of buzz shouldn't affect a film review but then this is no ordinary bit of pop culture. Its peak into a theatrical world is in itself fascinating, a great little film on preparing for a show. But tap yourself into the fact that you're also witnessing a bit of showbiz history and This Is It becomes an incomparably exciting film to watch.

The latest JKM poll result!

2009-10-19T18:53:00.004+01:00

I asked you who your favourite wrestler-turned-actor was. The result? The Rock is beaten by pure indifference. Now there's a fight I'd like to see on WWE:

1. Like you James, I really don't know or care much about wrestling
2. Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson
3. Terry 'Hulk' Hogan
4. John Cena
5. 'Stone Cold' Steve Austin

Precious - THE REVIEW

2009-10-19T18:25:00.004+01:00

Precious is the gritty story of a 16 year old single mother in late 80s Harlem, New York, dreaming of a better life. Although Mariah Carey is in it, to say it's a Mariah Carey film would be like saying The Hangover is a Mike Tyson movie. She's actually pretty good in it, playing a welfare officer - and just a little bit scary without make-up - but Precious is something else altogether.

Here's what you need to know:

It's 80% brilliant. The unknown lead, Gabourey Sidibe (as Precious), plays nearly everything under the surface. She has a stony face that you know is hiding a million feelings but she's just too confused to let it all out. Because she's in such a helpless situation - but is so silently stoic and tough - you're rooting for her every step of the way.

It's 15% overdone. Precious' mum Mary is played by Mo'nique who gives one of the most startlingly shocking performances of recent years. Seriously, she will scare the crap out of you. At times though, her big scenes in her high rise flat are shot a bit like a horror movie, all moody lighting and eerie camera angles. It turns those moments into something from Carrie rather than what it should be - just really raw, indie cinema. The direction (not the performance) is completely out of sync with the rest of the film. Later, Mary has a scene in the Welfare Office which doesn't have that melodrama and, man, IT'S ONE OF THE MOST PANT-WETTINGLY DRAMATIC MOMENTS YOU'LL EVER SEE.

It's 5% a bit silly. Precious has dream sequences where she imagines being a superstar, all glamorous clothes and paparrazi flash bulbs. They're done a bit like something from a kids' TV show. It doesn't really work and again, isn't in tune with the rest of the film.

The cons don't ruin it though. This is one awesome display of acting, even if the direction is a bit amateur and occasionally sappy. It reminded a little of Hustle & Flow, another Sundance Film Festival movie that took on the big guns. Like that, this'll get Oscar nominations. Oprah's ALL OVER IT so you know something big's gonna happen.

Bunny And The Bull - A CLIP & REVIEW

2009-10-16T16:08:00.003+01:00

Here's a clip from Bunny And The Bull, a film by Paul King, one of the gents behind TV's The Mighty Boosh. As you'll see in this clip, he's got Boosh-man Julian to make a cameo. There's also one from Noel **sound of Pixie Geldof screaming** Fielding.

The pic is very well made, being the daydreams and recollections of an agorophobic (played by Edward Hogg) who's both mourning and lovesick. Remembering his road-trip around Europe with best mate Bunny (occasional Boosher Simon Farnaby), his OCD house transforms into Swiss mountains, Polish back streets and Spanish bull rings.

All of which is very impressive - if you've never seen any films or music videos by Michel Gondry (Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind) who's done it all before, and in a more magical, less depressing way. The film's deliberately artificial, ramshackle feel - like a 70s jumble sale - is also breathtaking at first... but it's all so constraining, it's hard not feel suffocated after half an hour.

Loner Stephen and lairish Bunny are also pretty hard to like - one too weedy, one too beery. Luckily those Boosh cameos from Julian and Noel lift things just at the right time (Noel as a matador, anyone?), leaving a film that's as hypnotically weird as you'd expect it to be but too frustrating to break out into must-see territory.

Fantastic Mr Fox - THE REVIEW

2009-10-16T10:27:00.008+01:00

You know how some people manage to look exactly like BOTH of their parents? That combination of Dad's unique goofy smile and Mum's cute button nose means that they could only have been sired by those two specific people? What's more, it's a look that on paper shouldn't work but somehow it kinda does... (or maybe it's just me with a thing about goofy smiles and button noses?)

Fantastic Mr Fox is the movie version of that very definite kind of offspring. Watch this animation and there are a million giveaway signs that mean it could only be the child of Darjeeling Limited director Wes Anderson and kiddy lit legend Roald Dahl.

Fans of the book will be relieved to hear that Dahl's trademarks remain. Like many of his stories, FMF champions the underdog (or in this case, underfox), relishing the power of family bonds over greed.

Fans of Wes Anderson, meanwhile. will see Dahl's characters imbued with Texan director's unique deadpan humour, something which works especially well with animals' more limited range of facial expressions. No wonder Wes loves working with the King Of Miserable, Bill Murray, whose voice features in this as... wait for it... a badger.

Add in Anderson's passion for shooting many scenes head-on, in a tableau style, and letting the intricate positioning of characters do the talking, like a painting, and you've got a family movie as grown-up as any of his previous outings. 'Family' is an apt word too - like The Royal Tenenbaums before it, this a film about relatives and blood ties, however dysfunctional.

All of which is several shades of awesome. Dahl's odd tale of a fox getting his own back wildlife-hating farmers is perfect for a director as matter-0f-fact as Wes. It's the only way to make the story believable. His use of 60s rock on the soundtrack once again does what it always has done - creates a picture of characters slightly at odds with their time, slightly shambolic, gently rebellious. His use of old-skool 'stop motion' animation just reiterates that, creating a film that's less 2009 Hollywood, more 1969 bohemian Europe. To me that's exactly what Dahl the man - and many of his characters - completely embodied.

That said, it doesn't ENTIRELY work. The weird blend of US accents (George Clooney and Meryl Streep as Mr & Mrs Fox) with English ones (Michael Gambon as Farmer Bean) is messy if you think too much about it. Locations are similarly patchwork, being part-Americana, part-Postman Pat. It's a brilliant film but one that would've been even better were its English heritage played up to more, giving the atmosphere more continuity. As it is, it's certainly less cosy than Dahl's original story.

Still, the voice talent (despite the accents) is spot-on, especially Gambon and Anderson regular Jason Schwartzmann as Mr Fox's depressed teenage son Ash. No, he wasn't in the original book but it's another opening out of the tale that fits the general tone of the story perfectly in its unique weirdness. Wes Anderson sure knows the most important rule for great kids' films - you've gotta really freak them littl'uns out.

It's out Oct 23rd.

The Rock IS The Tooth Fairy

2009-10-12T14:43:00.002+01:00

Basically, this is The Santa Clause but about The Tooth Fairy. It's even directed by the guy who made The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause (nice). It will, however, be better because:

1. It's The Rock not Tim Allen.
2. IT'S THE ROCK NOT TIM ALLEN!
3. A great supporting cast - Stephen Merchant (cruelly cut out of much of this US trailer but will be in the UK one more I'm sure), Julie Andrews and Billy Crystal.
4. Its tagline is 'You can't handle the tooth!' which is actually brilliant.
5. I've had a very little sneak peak at the script and seem some stills 'and stuff' and it genuinely looks like it's got its heart in the right place. That's something in my book.

It's out early next year.

The latest JKM poll results!

2009-10-12T11:35:00.003+01:00

Your fave turn by an ex-Friends star?

1. Marcel the monkey in Outbreak

2. Lisa Kudrow in Romy & Michelle's High School Reunion

3. David Schwimmer in Madagascar

4. Janiston in Marley & Me

I used to say that there's no such thing as a bad dog film until I saw Marley & Me. Here's my new mantra: 'There's no such thing as a bad monkey movie'. FACT.

Couples Retreat - THE REVIEW

2009-10-10T08:50:00.003+01:00

It's always seemed a massive irony to me that Hollywood makes movies that take the piss out of so-called 'New Age' therapies.

It's as if the countless actors who regularly have them - the 'A' listers whose colons are irrigated, chakras cleansed and auras (and egos) massaged by LA therapists - can't quite see the comparison between their lives and their films. Why not celebrate what you so obviously believe in?

Couples Retreat doesn't, being another example of lowest-common-denominator thinking. Essentially its point is: 'Therapy? Nah, it's all bollocks.' Alas it doesn't have the guts to really make a pinata out of its target and give it a good thwack. The result is a half-hearted splat of a film that bookends its story with a gag about a kid taking a leak in a demo toilet at a DIY store. Classy.

The pic tells the story of three couples - Dave & Ronnie (Vince Vaughn & Malin Akerman), Shane &Ttrudy (Faizon Love & Kali Hawk), Joey & Lucy (Jon Favreau & Kristen Davis) - who spend a hastily arranged week at a relationship retreat as favour to friends Jason & Cynthia (Jason Bateman and Kristen Bell), whose own romance is crumbling. If you've seen the trailer you know that it's a good concept. You'll also know all the best gags (the stuff in the yoga lesson). It's just the handling that sucks dogs.

For a start, how do all these people get time off work at such short notice? Normally I hate that kind of anally retentive questioning of films ('How does Superman get changed in a 'phone box? That couldn't happen!' 'Shut up you pedant! It's a frickin' FILM') but in this case, when the main part of the film is so reliant on our believing that these people could all go away together, it's pertinant.

But the film doesn't bother to tell you.

If you can shut off important logic for a second to accept it, it's then you're faced with yet another lazy sketch of alternative therapy as being populated by weirdo hippies, poncey psychotherapists and sexually pradatory yogi, all of whom are just after your money. It's as open-minded as a Jon Gaunt fan club meeting.

What's more, most of the guy characters can see through the 'sham'. It's just the women who are tricked by it all. So not only do we have a film that distrusts anything slightly away from the norm, it also distrusts females. It's no coincidence, incidentally, that all the wives in this are pretty, quiet and bland. The only one who isn't - the black girlfriend Trudy - is some ridiculous kind of feral nymphomaniac. Yep, Couples Retreat is a film that just keeps on ticking those cliche boxes.

It reminded me of Wild Hogs, the stupidly successful middle-aged biker movie from 2007 whose main joke was that muscley gay men wanted to bum rape Martin Lawrence et al at any opportunity. Of course, it never actually happened although I'd quite like to have seen it. Would've been more entertaining than Big Momma's House.

To see Vince Vaughn, once so gutsy and edgy in his anger, reduce himself to this (and co-write the script) brings tears to the heart although several recent outings (hello Four Christmases) have hinted that his once inspiring punky attitude is now just pot-bellied laziness. As the film drags to a conclusion, packed with ridiculously wordy and over-complicated resolutions, it's like he's just given up. Goodnight Vince. It was fun for a bit (Old School, Dodgeball, Wedding Crashers).

So there we have Couples Retreat. Another unfunny prod at liberal thinking, where dull characters with no imagination are supposedly something to aspire to.

It'll make millions.

Out 16th October.

Zombieland - THE REVIEW

2009-10-05T15:32:00.005+01:00

Until I saw Zombieland, the winner of the Best Cameo award for '09 was a shoe-in: Mike Tyson in The Hangover.

My mind has now been changed.

I'm not gonna ruin things by telling you which star now holds that title but suffice to say, as with everything in Zombieland, it's a perfect moment.

For this is a film with everything. Yes, it's first and foremost a horror flick, telling the tale of a handful of survivors after 99.9% of Americans have been turned into the undead. But it's a gorefest with so many nods to comedies, road movies, romances and teen pics that actual scares are less important than knowing winks, great lines and loveable characters.

And there are plenty. Jesse Eisenberg's nerdy Columbus - surely the only horror movie hero with Irritable Bowel Syndrome - is joyously understated, providing the perfect foil for his macho co-hort Tallahassee (Woody Harrelson). If I'm pushed, it's Woody's picture, swaggering around as he does with his cowboy boots and sawn-off shotgun. He fills the screen with redneck attitude, a Tarantino/Rodriguez kinda guy with an odd love of the banjo. As Columbus puts it so poetically: 'He sets the standard for not to be fucked with'.

Meantime, the female stars Wichita (Emma Stone) and Little Rock (Abigail Breslin), who the boys meet en-route to a Californian safe-haven, are certainly no wallflowers. Stone is sexy for sure but it's never overplayed - quite refreshing for a teen slasher pic.

Most of all though, Zombieland works because it knows exactly what it wants to say, how it wants to say it and who the movie is for. With unerring energy it's a Shaun Of The Dead USA; ballsy, bloody and in-yer-face (witness the slo-mo opening credits, with Metallica on soundtrack duties) and with a use of locations from supermarkets to theme parks that kicks ass. The peppering of pop culture gags are spot-on and emotional moments are crucial but not over-played. In short, it's a slamdunk.

And then there's that mystery cameo, a scene or two of pure movie genius. Now, who's gonna tell Mike Tyson that he's lost his crown. You or me?

The latest JKM poll result!

2009-09-29T15:21:00.002+01:00

Your favourite dog movie? The results, ladies and gents, are in:

1. Turner & Hooch

2. Beethoven

3. Marley & Me

4. Spiceworld

Altogether now: 'Hooch! I got a muffin for ya Hooch! I got a muffin for ya!'

Love Happens - THE REVIEW

2009-09-29T14:41:00.004+01:00

Poor old Judy Greer.

The name might not mean much but you'd recognise her. Cast your mind back to a host of 'dorky best friend' roles (27 Dresses, 13 Going On 30, Elizabethtown) and that's Judy. A brilliantly talented actress for sure - but up against a Heigl or Garner, she'll always be the bezzy mate instead of the lead. The shame is, she'd nearly always be more interesting to watch than her big name co-star.

Now it's Jennifer Aniston she's out-acting in the winsome Love Happens; a film where, in essence, Not Much Happens.

Here's the plot. Janiston is a Seattle florist called Eloise (have I lost your already?) who meets self-help guru Burke (Aaron Eckhart) in the city hotel where he's staying and where she arranges the flowers. As he's still recovering from his wife's death in a car crash he's not much of a date but hey, they still hang out over the few days he's there, running courses in bereavement counselling.

That's it really.

Whilst the performers struggle with a script that can't decide if it's meant to be funny or not, we're sat there in the audience ticking off the cliches and twiddling our thumbs waiting for the obvious loose ends to be tied up so we can get home. Essentially, Burke just needs to get his head around his own loss. I never thought that the 109 mins it takes could feel so long.

Eckhart, we know, is a strong performer but his cool seriousness as an actor makes for hard viewing in a film that's supposed to be warmly melting hearts. Janiston is...well... the same as Janiston ALWAYS is. She's kooky in a way that only chick flick characters are:

1. She likes gardening in her chunky knits (see also Andie McDowell in Green Card).

2. She graffitis long intellectual words on hotel walls, then hides them under hanging pictures, for people to discover. KOOKY ALERT (and a watered-down version of Audrey Tatou's quirky Amelie).

3. Her life is soundtracked by weedy soft rock music, including 'This Time Around' by Helen Stellar that was also used in Cameron Crowe's Elizabethtown. Which also featured Judy Greer. You'd be right in thinking at this point that Love Happens is a wannabe Crowe type of film, a laid back romance where plot is secondary to charm.

It fails. Why? Because Love Happens, like its bland title, is as beige and boring as its lead actress. It meanders around stereotypes and cliches for nearly two hours only to give us, as a payoff, ANOTHER of those scenes where everything is resolved in front of an audience (in this case, the audience for Burke's self-help seminar) who proceed to applaud when the leads have finally blurted out their true feelings in front of everyone.

In other words, like all the supposed 'new and exclusive' stories on Jansiston that mags around the world publish every week, this actually has nothing new. That's not the end of the world for a genre movie, I admit. But when it doesn't have a glint of sparkle to compensate either, well... At least this kind of film will always have one thing going for it.

Judy Greer.

Fame - THE REVIEW

2009-09-22T14:51:00.004+01:00

The legacy of Fame is a bit of a joke. The original movie and TV show might have been groundbreaking at the time but their memory has been reduced to gags about legwarmers and impromptu street dancing in 'I Love The 80s' shows. I'm sure there must have been more to it than that.

The fact is, I bloomin' love the new Fame because it did have more.

The first thing you notice is the style - you can really wallow in its loose, documentary feel. It's exciting, even urgent, after the shiny Disney polish you get with those other stage-struck kids Troy and Gabriella. The music is punchy, vibrant, belted out, feeling more heartfelt than by-the-books-Broadway. The teen issues, whilst perhaps of least interest to the film-makers, also resonate a fair whack. When Kevin, a dancer, is told he's not gonna make it (in an awesome scene that uses Sam Sparro's 'Black & Gold'), his response hints at a gut-wrenching loneliness.

In case you didn't know, Fame is set at the New York School Of Performing Arts. Starting on Audition Day, we're introduced to a group of disparate wannabes - Jenny the actress, Marco the singer, Denise the pianist, amongst others. As they rise from freshmen to seniors, we watch them date, dance, act, rebel, try to work out just what their future holds - all in the space of 100 minutes. Film-wise, it might have been better to set this over one year, rather than four, so frenetic is the pace. But then of course, you wouldn't get graduation or the stress involved with moving on after college.

The bittiness of the many storylines is tough at first but everything soon comes into focus. From then on, it's a home-run. Sure there are cheesy moments - and we love films like this because of them - but it's still surprisingly un-glamorous. This is New York through and through; brassy, ballsy and blunt. You can almost smell the pretzels on the street and feel the heat from the steamy sidewalks. It's a crucial element to the film, reminding us that this is a tough city and a tough industry. Showbiz isn't all smiles and jazz hands.

Performances are all fine enough and Kay Panabaker (Jenny) and Asher Brook (Marco) do make a ridiculously cute couple. Teachers, including Kelsey Grammar, Charles S Dutton and Megan Mullally are likeably brash too.

Who knows if, in a post-Step Up world (which basically re-did Fame 4 years ago), there's still an appetite? With Bandslam tanking only weeks ago, maybe not. But the way director Kevin Tancharoen has captured that unscratchable itch to see your name in lights, an itch that never goes way, is done with a fresh looseness that shows some real flair.

It's out 25th September.

The latest JKM poll result!

2009-09-21T21:48:00.006+01:00

Well done Jim Robinson.

I asked you to name your favourite performance by an ex-Neighbours star and look who won:

1. Alan Dale in EVERY American TV show ever...

2. Guy Pearce in Memento

3. Holly Valance in Taken

4. Kylie in Streetfighter

I don't know what to say, readers. You're on the site of a man who was in the front row for Kylie at the O2 last Summer. HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME?!

Triangle - THE REVIEW

2009-09-21T21:17:00.004+01:00

Christopher Smith knows about progress. His debut feature, Creep, was a cute calling card but the follow-up, Severance, mixed some genius gags into the horror genre to really up the ante. Now with his third flick, Triangle, he's moved on yet again. Sure, it's another horror but this time it's all in the mood rather than the slashing.

Triangle tells the tale of Jess (Melissa George), a stressed single-mum who's off for a day out with her new boyfriend and his mates on his yacht. When they hit an electric storm, tidal waves get the better of them, but they soon jump on board a passing ocean liner in the hope of sailing back to civilisation.

Woops. That'll be a mistake then.

On board, things are eerily quiet apart from a shadowy figure. And Jess can't work out why she keeps getting a feeling of deja vu...

Imagine Donnie Darko meets The Shining meets...er...Titanic and you'll get the idea. Smith shoots the endless corridors of the giant boat with glaring bluntness rather than spooky shadows, frequently playing with mirrors to hint that all is not simple. But it's all refreshingly light on OTT atmos. The fact that this giant hunk of metal feels so normal - apart from its lack of crew - is what makes it so chilling when the refugees start going screwy.

Melissa George is also awesome, playing peril without too many histrionics and some considerable depth at the same time as looking hot in denim shorts. As she learns more about her fate on board the 'ghost ship' - and beyond - you see how the horror comes from within her, her emotions, rather than from a simple killer on the loose. What goes on in people's heads is far more scary than a bloke in a leather mask running around with a chainsaw.

Attempts to convince us that the actors really are in the middle of the sea are occasionally a little too green screen clumsy whilst I'm sure the time-loop scenario, like so many before it, will be successfully picked to pieces by some punter with too much time on their hands. I just prefer to let it joyfully play with my brain.

Ultimately, though, this is a strong thriller from an ever-maturing British writer/director. He knows his horror heritage yet infuses his work with emotional personality. It's a cool mix.

Out 16th October.

A Serious Man - THE REVIEW

2009-09-21T09:48:00.009+01:00

If you can get past the annoying woman introducing it, this trailer for the Coen Bros new pic A Serious Man has plenty to like. The movie itself is a joy. Think Philip Roth, The Graduate and classic Woody Allen.

Michael Stahlberg is great in the lead role as Larry, a nebbish Physics prof whose life slips from his grip. The fact that he's not a star only helps his helplessness (although box-office glory might be a tough call without a big name).

Once again, the Coens play on the randomness of life's events, with Larry fighting a sudden battle to hold on to his family, home and career, That blend of big laughs and existentialism is intoxicating. 'Curb Your Enthusiasm' springs to mind watching this - it's amazing how much pleasure we can get from seeing someone basically having a breakdown. It may be a very time (1967) and race (Jewish) specific film but as the pic unfurls there's plenty of universal humour on offer to let you in.

Out 20th November.

New Moon - New Trailer!

2009-09-16T13:45:00.003+01:00

Because we all love a bit of Twlight...

RIP The Swayze

2009-09-15T08:10:00.005+01:00

Not the greatest actor. Not the greatest singer. But one film that defined an era and genre will make sure Patrick Swayze will be remembered for as long as there are wedding discos.

RIP Patrick.

(Point Break, Donnie Darko and Ghost were pretty blimmin' awesome too. )

This week's poll winner!

2009-09-14T15:24:00.004+01:00

Congratulations to somebody called Angelina Jolie for winning the JKM Best Pout Poll. But seriously you guys, Keira is like REALLY upset. Just think about what you've done to her. Just think.

1. Angelina Jolie
2. Megan The Fox
3. Jonathan Rhys-Meyers
4. Keira 'Twice' Knightley

'The never before seen rehearsal footage the world has been waiting for...'

2009-09-14T15:09:00.004+01:00

So it is actually happening then. Sony Pictures really are putting out a movie - A MOVIE! - of Michael Jackson's rehearsal footage - REHEARSAL FOOTAGE! ('Ok. Enough capitals to express outrage.'Ed)

Now Jacko was one of the great show people of the last 30 years, fact. But it seems odd that such a fastidious, perfectionist performer should now be remembered in footage that will clearly show him not at 100%, either physically (presumably) or professionally. Had the actual O2 gigs gone ahead, polished and preened to perfection, then a movie of the show would be obvious (3-D would've been good too). But to cobble something together from material that was never intended to be used as a movie seems nothing more than... surprise surprise... an attempt to fill the coffers.

It's intriguing of course. But I prefer to save 'intriguing' for 4 minute packages on The One Show, not rushed cinema cash-ins.

As with anything Jacko, the excuse that it's 'for the fans' can always be wheeled out. No-one has more dedicated fans the King Of Pop (TM). But surely the fans who really care for his legacy wouldn't want him to be remembered as anything but the slickest star of his generation. Something this hasty can't ever be that slick, surely?

Drew! Ellen! Rollerblades!

2009-09-08T17:51:00.003+01:00

Drew Barrymore is one of my favourite actors from my 'youth' (Never Been Kissed = her greatest performance). Ellen Page is one of my favourite current stars. Put them together and you have Whip It, Drew's directing debut and Ellen's chance to show off her rollerblading skills.

10 things to know about The Imaginarium Of Dr Parnassus

2009-09-08T17:28:00.006+01:00

1. It's very much in director Terry Gilliam's signature style i.e hugely overblown flights of fancy at the expense of anything approaching rigorous storytelling.

2. It's about an ancient guru (Christopher Plummer) who tours contemporary London with his travelling show - and the secrets he is hiding. Heath Ledger co-stars as a disgraced ex-charity worker who latches on to Dr P.

3. Heath died before filming was completed, so the not-entirely-unknown trio of Johnny Depp, Jude Law and Colin Farrell stood in for his character in three fantasy sequences (the fantasy bit allows them to look different to Heath).

4. The three fantasy sequences are, to be honest, a little bit pointless. Admittedly the film couldn't have got finished without them - but having some massive names in fairly brief, CGI-heavy scenes seems a little bit of a waste.

5. Heath Ledger's character is a bit 'unfocused' (ie. not really much of anything).

6. The best thing in the movie is actually Lily Cole, the model/actress who stars as Plummer's daughter. Her cherubic face and red locks give her an other worldly look that perfectly complements the pic's antique feel, whilst she's also pretty good at playing it appealingly naive. She's the emotional heart.

7. The film is REALLY hard to follow.

8. It's out in October.

9. You can't help but admire the movie for the awesome way it looks (especially the non-CGI stuff of Dr P's ramshackle coach and horses that trots through night-time London) - but its computerized dream sequences look a bit Spy Kids. There'll be a flurry of interest in this one because of the Heath factor but it's little more than a colourful curio.

10. It's not a sequel to Mr Magorium's Wonder Emporium.

JKM poll results - Best Posh British Actress!

2009-09-03T10:43:00.003+01:00

1. Helena Bonham-Carter
2. Kate Winslet
3. Keira 'Twice' Knightley
4. Emma Watson

Bellatrix Lestrange beating Hermione Granger is surely not good for world order, but there you go. THE PUBLIC HAS SPOKEN.

An insomniac's review of The Bodyguard

2009-09-03T10:13:00.004+01:00

I don't sleep much. Frankly, there are too many films on ITV2 that I've recorded that I want to watch (normally Total Recall or Love, Actually) for me to sleep.

This week it was The Bodyguard.

Now, this is not a film that I know well. I do know, however, that 'back in the day' it was absolutely blimmin' massive (we're talking 1992). The soundtrack, depending on which report you read, is often said to be the biggest ever.

So my 3am viewing was ripe for surprises. And surprises I got.

1. Whitney Houston, playing a bitchy but hugely successful singer in need of a bodyguard, is ABSOLUTELY AWESOME. I mean really gutsy. It's she who seduces Kevin Costner and she who plays him. She's a real broad.

2. Kevin Costner - who let's not forget, was the biggest male star in Hollywood back then - is astoundingly bad. I've seen more animation in a kitchen table. Yes, he's meant to be a tough, regimented military man but he is also THE MOST TEDIOUS MAN IN THE WORLD. There's zero chemistry between him and Whitney. In fact, they just look like they want to stab each other.

3. There's really not that much snoggage. Despite everyone knowing the weepy track 'I Will Always Love You', that's only right at the end in a shortened form and it feels stuck in. The two leads never really have much of a relationship. It's actually more of a crime drama (psycho fan stalking a celeb). It's also so overstyled in a 90s erotic thriller way (shadows, mansions, outfits etc) that it's hard for any warm romance to filter through.

4. Summary - it's really genuinely odd. The kind of film that now would have critics laughing hysterically in the aisles as it's so cheesy. But this film was HUGE. It had them blubbing in the aisles. I'm lost, readers, I really am. The Bodyguard now feels like a curiously heartless slice of 'B' movie cheese.

That said, I'm now off to download the soundtrack.

A bit of Nine awesomeness...

2009-08-28T16:13:00.005+01:00

Over here at 'JKM' we're a little bit excited by the film Nine (as opposed to the film 9, the upcoming post-apocalyptic animation, that also looks good but is less of 'my thing').

Nine stars Daniel Day-Lewis and here's a still from the film that's up on MTV Movies. The film is a musical - woo, and indeed, hoo - that's somehow based on the old Fellini film 8 1/2 (which is rather good, should you have a couple of hours to spare one night).

The trailer is amazing and is here in case you missed it last time it was posted: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y_5_lzags3I&feature=fvst

I'm just pleased that in this pic, DD-L appears to be...wait for it...enjoying himself. I've no doubt that the movie will have its moments of intensity since it's about a film director losing his marbles but still, to watch The World's Greatest Actor (TM) in lighter mode is a really mouth-watering prospect.

Director Rob 'Chicago' Marshall has also laid on the glam big time, which won't do anything to stop the 'haters' hating musicals but for us...er...'lovers' it delivers exactly what we want. Fantasy.

Nine is out in November. Rob Marshall's then off, for some reason, to direct Pirates Of The Caribbean 4.

'Bulimia's soooo '87...'

2009-08-27T15:40:00.003+01:00

Heathers is an 80s movie full of all kinds of awesomeness. Watch it now and there are the obvious titters at dodgy outfits and lack of 'cell' phones but its dialogue was, is and always will be spikily hilarious (see title quote).

No high school pic has been so darkly humourous since. Clueless had the lingo but was joyously fluffy. Napoleon Dynamite was a similarly cult hit but lacked the '18' certificate. Juno, its closest contemporary, probed where other teen pics dare not go but it still wasn't a comedy about SUICIDE.

Now that's dark.

So quite what the new TV version of the show that Fox are prepping will be like, who knows? It's got a Sex & The City scribe polishing it up as we speak but will US teen telly dare get as blissfully bleak as Heathers needs to be? (apologies for the Daily Mail-style rhetorical questioning).

But with the actually-quite-edgy Gossip Girl hitting big and Juno writer Diablo Cody about to release her second pic (Jennifer's Body - described by many, but not me, as 'the new Heathers'), the time is defo RIPE.

And how about that poster, readers?! Aaaaah, the days when Winona wasn't just a future light-fingered has-been and people actually thought that Christian Slater was the new Jack Nicholson.

I know, I know. The crazy 80s...

POLL RESULT! Your favourite 90s starlet with 3 names...

2009-08-26T14:18:00.004+01:00

1. SMG

2. MJH

3. RLC

4. JLH

Or, in old money...

1. Sarah Michelle Gellar

2. Melissa Joan Hart

3. Rachel Leigh Cook

4. Jennifer Love Hewitt.

Good news for fans of Buffy. Bad news for fans of Can't Hardly Wait (ie. me).

The September Issue

2009-08-26T14:09:00.002+01:00

The Devil Wears Prada and Ugly Betty may have skirted around the issue for a while but now there's a documentary that deals with it head on.

Anna Wintour is quite hard work.

The Brit-born, long-time editor of US Vogue is a legend in the industry and wears the huge shades to prove it. Meryl Streep basically was her in TDWP. Now she's the focus of an awesome doco called The September Issue that follows her and her 'people' around for a bit. It's very funny, insightful, a little bit depressing but ultimately amazing because it both confirms and denies many of the cliches you associate with the fashionistas. Us film critics like to call that 'insightful'.

Her headline-hitting dissing of Sienna Miller for being too toothy and having unruly hair I found personally a bit weird though. That's precisely why I like her (I know, I know - for some guys it's about big chests and long legs but for me it's all about the goofy girls... Freud would have a field day.)

Megan 'The' Fox is a bit attractive...

2009-08-21T16:08:00.003+01:00

...which is basically what her new film, Jennifer's Body, is all about.

'Ooooh, I'm Megan 'The' Fox and I'm sooooooo sexy, look at my sexy bo-dy' etc etc

To be fair, after seeing the pic, I have concluded that she is officially The Most Attractive Woman Working In Film At The Moment. This makes me happy because I think that loving movies is so much about lusting after these god-like creatures on the screen. That's why it's brilliant that Johnny Depp glows in Public Enemies. That Rachel McAdams radiates in The Time Traveler's Wife. And now, that Megan shines like some kind of Greek goddess crossed with a hooker in Jennifer's Body.

She's even quite a good actress in it too. Oh, hold on... I signed a watertight embargo before seeing the pic so I shouldn't have written that. **A massive legal 'wrangle' with 20th Century Fox ensues**

Suffice to say though, Jennifer's Body is quite a big deal for MTF as it's a film that is about her, not about her and some huge robots. It'll be interesting to see if the lack of laddish hardware puts boys off going to see what is essentially a girly horror film (anyone else see Ginger Snaps?) or if the sight of MTF and Amanda Seyfried having some close-up snoggage is enough to put boy bums on seats. I suspect it is.

I'd love to say more but I'm scared of Rupert Murdoch and his studio henchman. But as this cheeky horror flick is written by Diablo Cody (Juno) then you can probably guess what I think about it. I'll write more when I can. It's out in October.

Zac Efron does a High School....Shakespearian Tragedy.

2009-08-19T14:29:00.008+01:00

Zefron has hovered around the edges of 'growing up' with his movie choices for a bit now. Hairspray was only a supporting role but it was a smart and cheekily political flick - nice move. This year's 17 Again couldn't quite boast the same attitude but it was pitched definately at a teen, not a tween, audience. That's a big step up for a Disney boy.

Now comes the curveball. Me & Orson Welles will see Zac's hardcore fans watching a film that deals with a 1937 production of Shakespeare's Julius Caesar by the legendary actor/director Orson Welles. Hmmmm, it's hardly Keep Your Head In The Game, is it?

Well, yes. But that doesn't stop it being interesting for people who manage to not wet their Wildcats knickers at the sight of Zefron's floppy locks. Or even for those that do and who have a bit of patience.

Setting a fictional coming-of-age tale in the midst of a real event (Welles' Mercury Theatre troupe was groundbreaking) means that there's a lot of facts to get up to speed on before the heartwarming stuff really kicks in but luckily director Richard Linklater knows what he's up to. He is the guy who made coming-of-age classics Before Sunrise and Dazed & Confused after all. Me & Orson Welles is definately a case of slow and steady winning the race.

Sure, Zefron's a bit too earnest and stiff at the moment, no doubt from years of training at the Mouse House. But he's not bad. His naive character of Richard is meant to be a bit like that anyway, a wannabe actor who finds himself in a groundbreaking production after bumping into Welles outside the theatre one day. His poodle-like pursuing of theatre secretary Sonja (the luminescent Claire Danes) is genuinely 'awww, bless him' stuff.

Others are better though, most obviously newbie Christian McKay as Orson Welles, the respected thesp whose ego was as big as his talent. The spot-on New York sets (mainly filmed in the Isle Of Man) and Shakespearian snippets also rock. From the first shot, you're slap bang into another theatrical era.

So be patient and Me & Orson Welles gets there. It reminded me a bit of Mrs Henderson Presents. And whilst that was also hardly contemporary or cool, its casting of (then) teen eye candy Will Young ensured it a bigger take than anyone expected.

So there you go. Zefron is the new Will Young! (You're fired! Ed.)

Who's the Queen Of Rom-Com: THE RESULTS

2009-08-18T11:51:00.002+01:00

Hot off 'the press'.

1. Sandy Bollocks, 2. Reese Witherspoon, 3. Julia Roberts, 4. Matthew McConaughy.

The Wayans Family - 'a tribute'.

2009-08-18T10:35:00.017+01:00

Right. After sitting through the suicide-inducing Dance Flick yesterday I thought the least I can do is try to work who's who in the labyrinthine Wayans family.

It's the most recent films I'm interested in and I think I've nailed down everyone who's been involved. That said there's still Elvira Wayans, Vonnie Wayans, Diedre Wayans, Chaunte Wayans, Cara Mia Wayans, Michael Wayans, Kyla Wayans, Shawn Howell Wayans, Amai Wayans, Jolie Ivory Wayans, Keenan Ivory Wayans Jr, Nala Wayans, Bella Wayans and Daphne Ivory Wayans who don't quite fit into the puzzle. Damn you Wayans!

Elvira and Howell Wayans

parents of...

Dwayne Wayans (music: Little Man. This pic is from Dwayne's MySpace site but it does look suspiciously like Damon Wayans I know)

brother of...

Kim Wayans (actor: Dance Flick)

sister of...

Keenan Ivory Wayans (director: Scary Movie 1 & 2, White Chicks, Little Man; prod: Dance Flick)

brother of...

Nadia Wayans (who has now 'retired' from Hollywood after 1 film with her brothers)

mother of...

Damien Dante Wayans (actor: Little Man; director: Dance Flick)

nephew of...

Damon Wayans (who wisely doesn't get involved in his brothers films and is quite good)

father of...

Damon Wayans Jnr (actor: Dance Flick)

nephew of...

Marlon Wayans (actor: Scary Movie 1 & 2, White Chicks, Little Man, Dance Flick)

brother of...

Shawn Wayans (actor: Scary Movie 1 & 2, White Chicks, Little Man, Dance Flick)

uncle of...

Craig Wayans (actor: Dance Flick)

Some thoughts on the Wayans family:

1. Contraception is not big in their house.

2. Damon Jnr actually looks a lot more like his Uncle Marlon that his dad Damon.

3. I think that's probably enough Wayans in the movie industry now, thanks.

Broken Embraces is out 28th August.

2009-08-14T00:22:00.004+01:00

Broken Embraces is 'noir'-ish love story and the fourth film Penelope 'Penny' Cruz has made with Pedro Almodovar. It's not her best performance ever (a little flat). It's not his best film ever (a little lacking).

But boy does the camera love her. There are so many shots in this where P 'P' C has her back to the camera and then all of a sudden she swishes her head around to face you and each time a tiny little tingle runs down your spine.

That's just how Pedro wants it. His frequent 'thing' over his career is to remind us of the power of cinema and like many of his pics, Broken Embraces deals heavily with the film world, with P 'P' C playing a wannabe actress beguiling all those around her. That she is so striking just reminds us why we love this stuff in the first place.

Broken Embraces, therefore, is a good example of a film that's not the best film either the director or star has ever made, yet is still well worth seeing as it's about 8 times intriguing than most other stuff. *

* it's actually 9 times more intriguing that The Ugly Truth.

Julie & Julia is good enough to eat...

2009-08-11T22:49:00.002+01:00

Julie and Julia has many aromas. That continental whiff of Paris, where much of it is set, virtually wafts off the screen. The smell of cooking - since it is about two cooks - also feeds your nose at least every couple of minutes. But mainly this film reeks of class.

It's not cool, edgy or revolutionary. It's just classy. Casting the most Oscar-nominated actor ever, Meryl Streep, certainly helps. She plays real-life 1950s American foodie Julia Child with unparalleled vigour. Haughty, flamboyant and hyperactive, it's the proverbial 'masterclass' in comedy acting from a star who continues to dazzle and devour her roles, even though she's got nothing left to prove. Maybe that's the reason.

Childs is the inspiration for contemporary New Yorker Julie Powell (Amy Adams) to take up cooking, following her mentor's legendary cookbook to the letter and blogging about her experiences. Where Meryl is old-school and larger-than-life, Amy is the counterpoint - a dowdy, everyday Queens resident from a less glamorous age, just trying to find direction in life. The two never meet, but their decades-apart stories buffer each other like bosom buddies.

Ultimately Julia & Julia is a love story. The love of food, the love of writing, the love of inspiration. It's what the film companies like to call 'life affirming' (Hollywood emo-babble but it really is). Streep's braying bubbliness is one of the funniest things you'll see this year. Amazing. She's like an early Nigella without the finger-licking and lingerie. It's panto dame stuff but crucially, and beautifully, interrupted by subtle moments of genuine sadness (most notably at her inability to have children). Only Meryl can make the line 'I DO know how to boil an egg' a comedy classic.

The pic's recreation of her post-war world of pearls and plaid is as lavish as Julie's Noughties boho is down-to-earth. Meanwhile, writer/director Nora Ephron doesn't leave a word or a shot out of place. Hello Academy Awards - this may be a 'mum movie' but as we all know, mum's cooking is always the best... (with apologies to my wife).

It's out 11th September.

Where The Wild Things Are - new trailer!

2009-08-10T18:30:00.006+01:00

It's directed by Spike Jonze. It comes out at Christmas. It will be amazing.

THAT IS ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW.

RIP John Hughes...

2009-08-09T23:57:00.008+01:00

Very upset about the death of John Hughes. Ferris Bueller's Day Off has been my constant companion for many years now. I even wrote my Master's thesis on it (I passed on the second attempt. It's not easy convincing your lecturers that a movie with the line 'that guy is so tight if you stuck a lump of coal up his ass in two weeks you'd have a diamond' is worthy MA material).

The one and only shining moment this weekend came when looking at stills of Hughes' legendary The Breakfast Club and FINALLY realising who it was that GMTV irritant Carla Romano looks like...

'And now over to our LA correspondent, Judd Nelson...'

How film companies work...

2009-08-06T22:03:00.008+01:00

Some lines from my review of Knowing, starring Nic Cage, from when it came out at the cinema:

'Knowing does let itself down though. Potential endings come and go, with the flashier ultimately chosen in favour of the intimate. That's a mistake - dodgy endings stick in the mind a long time, even if the rest of the movie is pretty awesome.'

The quote on the front of the DVD:

'Awesome' James King, Radio 1.

That, readers, is how film companies work.

Rom-com film posters: A short history

2009-07-23T10:34:00.012+01:00

Pretty Woman: The original.

Forces Of Nature: An early example of the Sandy Bollocks 'lean'.

Two Weeks Notice: The Sandy Bollocks 'lean' hits its stride.

The Proposal: The Sandy Bollocks 'lean' version 2.0. She's not leaning at all! It's Ryan Reynolds who's leaning! GENIUS.

How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days: The McConaughey 'lean' begins at a gentle 20 degrees.

Failure To Launch: 45 degrees.

Fool's Gold: Oh come on Matthew! What's wrong with leaning now?

Ghost Of Girlfriends Past: Right, this just ain't funny anymore. If you don't lean in your posters, I'm just not going to see your film. GEDDIT?

Four Christmases: Not only are they bound together with Christmas ribbons, but she's so short and he's so tall that...that...that...**laughs hysterically**...SHE'S STANDING ON BOXES TOO!!!! HILARIOUS! !!!!

(thanks to Dr K for continual inspiration)

Congratulations, Sandy Bollocks

2009-07-23T10:10:00.004+01:00

She's a smart one, that Sandy Bollocks.

Nicking off for a few years after The Lake House, Infamous, Premonition and...er... Miss Congeniality 2: Armed & Fabulous were released to universal indifference, she's now got the biggest hit of her career with The Proposal.

She's not doing anything different, mind. The Proposal is com-com by numbers if ever you saw one (though better than the upcoming Ugly Truth, reviewed elsewhere on this site).

But seeing her again after a while, you sit in the movie thinking 'Awwww, bless Sandy. She's really quite good. I sort of missed her.'

Of course the truth is, you probably didn't. But if Bollocks can do one thing, she can make you love her. Always has done, always will do. And after a two year gap, that charm feels even more welcome.

She's warm, natural, pouty but not snooty. She's not the munter Miss Congeniality made her out to be, but at the same time she's not off-puttingly fit. She looks like the kinda girl you could have a drink with, shoot some pool and end up on a table doing air guitar to 'Sweet Child O' Mine'.

That's my kinda night, readers.

And going away has only made us believe that all the more. Welcome back Sandy Bollocks. You've made us think we missed you.

Michael Fassbender awesomeness...

2009-07-21T11:30:00.008+01:00

I'm not allowed to tell you much about Quentin Tarantino's Inglourious Basterds at the moment because of the dreaded 'embargo' (quite why I don't know - it was shown and reviewed at the Cannes Film Festival in May but hey, I'm a good boy).

I can, however, tell you that that's Michael Fassbender up there, playing a British spy called Archie Hicox, who involves himself with with 'Basterds' (a group of of Jewish American soldiers out to get Nazis in the 2nd World War occupied France). He is also RATHER BRILLIANT.

I've been a bit slow on the uptake with Fassbender. Maybe because I haven't always enjoyed the movies he's been in - although looking back, he's always been great in them. Or maybe because it's very difficult to see someone as a cool, sexy leading man when they have the word 'bender' in their surname.

I NOW THINK HE'S AWESOME. Inglourious Basterds confirms his massive range, as he plays it all stiff-upper-lip and posh. He'll also be seen soon in the brilliant Fish Tank, about a teenage girl living on a depressed Essex tower block estate, where he's much more a man of the people (but hiding a secret).

I now need to go back and rewatch him getting beaten up by ASBOs in Eden Lake and starving himself for Northern Ireland in Hunger.

He's also in 300 but I don't think I can manage that.

Big movies to come include comic book yarn Jonah Hex (with Megan The Fox), ancient Roman horror film Centurion (directed by Neil 'Dog Soldiers' Marshall) and historical romance Birdsong (with Paddy Considine).

All of which makes him officially THE NEXT BIG THING.

Despicable Me trailer

2009-07-20T10:22:00.004+01:00

A couple of years back, Hollywood animation seemed to be obsessed with animals:

1. Madagascar
2. Over The Hedge
3. Barnyard
4. Chicken Little
5. Open Season
6. Ratatouille

Now it seems all about sci-fi. Old-skool, 1950s B-movie sci-fi:

1. Wall-E
2. Monsters vs Aliens
3. Cloudy With A Chance Of Meatballs (man invents machine that drops food from the sky)
4. Planet 51 (astronaut lands on planet of green aliens who live like humans)

It's a bit like 2009 being the year of female electro pop or 2008, Amy Winehouse rip-offs. Different record labels all compete to see whose artist does the best. But which animation will be the Duffy and which the Gabriella Cilmi?

Thankfully some movies buck the trend. Disney/Pixar's Up, about a man and boy who travel the world in a house that floats using balloons, doesn't really fit any box. Amazing.

And next year, this one looks enjoyably odd, dare I say 'Hitchcockian' - as well as boasting 'the cream' of comedy to do the voices (and Julie Andrews).

I want this t-shirt...

2009-07-17T12:56:00.003+01:00

Postgrad is out Jan 2010.

2009-07-16T13:51:00.005+01:00

Just graduated? Can't get a job? Depressed?

Don't worry, Uncle Hollywood's here to help you by making huge amounts of money out of your misery, in a film featuring the star of The Sisterhood Of The Travelling Pants.

2006 -The Devil Wears Prada. 2010 - The Devil Has To Sell Her Prada Coz Of The Global Economic Downturn.

This week's vote: THE RESULTS

2009-07-16T12:26:00.003+01:00

Honey I Shrunk The Kids wins the all important 'Best Rick Moranis Film' vote with a whopping 65%.

Hot new, readers. Hot news.

Thoughts on 'The State Of Hollywood Today' after seeing Land Of The Lost...

2009-07-16T11:38:00.006+01:00

Land Of The Lost is out here on 31st July. In the States it's already come out and made an underperforming $50 million. I know that $50 million hardly sounds like the proverbial 'peanuts' but when you've got a $100 million budget it ain't so fun. Suffice to say, someone, somewhere, will be getting told off.

Having seen the Will Ferrell 'science fiction comedy' I can see why. It doesn't know whether it's a kids fantasy flick or a teen comedy. Will Ferrell does his normal schitck (very funny) but he also fights dinosaurs (not funny).

It's not a million miles away from Year One, where Jack Black also does his normal schtick (very funny) but also fights Egyptians (not funny).

All of this whilst The Hangover quietly makes $300 million around the globe.

All of which rather poetically sums up the dilemma of being a well-recognised star with a well-recognised routine:

1. We don't like it when stars try to do something different. Will and Jack in weird settings - The Lost World's other dimension or Year One's ancient world - just aren't as funny as when they're talking about rock music or reading the news.

2. BUT Will and Jack doing their normal routines is also getting a little bit tired (Step Brothers, Tropic Thunder) so it's quite refreshing to see a comedy with 3 stars who are relatively unknown, arsing about in Vegas. No expectations = you can only be impressed.

The answer for WF and JB? Sequels. Familiar ideas but with a new twist (though not too weird). Hello School Of Rock 2. Hello Anchorman 2. Hello desperate re-treading of former glories.

There, my friends, is The State Of Hollywood Today.

Moon starring Sam Rockwell... and Chesney Hawkes.

2009-07-14T21:49:00.004+01:00

Sci-fi isn't normally my 'thing' but Moon starring the rather brilliant Sam Rockwell is something else. Director Duncan 'David Bowie's Son' Jones has said that he's not into silly, action-figure-selling sci-fi. He likes the old-school stuff like 2001: A Space Odyssey and Alien. Sci-fi that deals with, amongst other things, the drama of loneliness out there in the middle of nowhere. Or in this case, as the title suggests, the moon.

It's all really engrossing. A film that's both about intimate, personal emotions and global, cold-hearted greed. It's got that eerie background hum to it that all great space station movies should have to.

But way, way, waaaaay more important than that is that Sam Rockwell's astronaut is woken everyday by an alarm clock that plays 'The One & Only' by 90s one-hit wonder Chesney Hawkes. I WANT THAT TICKER! Weirdly, in the context of the film, the song's lyrics take on a kind of existential power too. Nice one Sam. Nice one Duncan. Nice one Chesney.

It's out this Friday (17th July).

Peter Parko - Tobey and Jake are Brothers this December...

2009-07-13T14:03:00.006+01:00

Well, who'd have thunk it. Some lad called Tobey Maguire is back, back, back! And he's only gone and made a movie with Jake Gyllenaal, the doe-eyed Donnie Darko who dated Kirsten Dunst straight after the Tobester.

That said, if actors who've dated Kisten Dunst weren't allowed to make films together, Hollywood would shut down.

Brothers is directed by Jim Sheridan, a man who's previously made In America, The Boxer and In The Name Of The Father to mention but a few. To say he likes to wear his heart on his sleeve is an understatement. To say he shouts out his fiery political opinions everytime he starts his camera rolling would be more accurate. The fact that Brothers deals with the fallout of war suggests we're in for plenty more soap-boxing.

The fact that it's out at the beginning of December in the States also suggests it's 'Oscar material' (always a scary prospect).

Anyways, it's lovely to see the return of Jake G. Natalie Portman is obviously attempting to do her 'everyday American housewife' thing that might not be quite so successful. And old Tobey, meanwhile, hits the comeback trail - leaner and meaner than ever before (ooooh, weight loss - good for the Oscars) and still decidely - and brilliantly - odd.

The ugly truth about The Ugly Truth...

2009-07-10T09:58:00.007+01:00

My favourite quote about Katherine Heigl is on the cover of the 27 Dresses DVD:

'Katherine Heigl is the new Bridget Jones'.

What? So you're saying this real person is now a FICTIONAL character? How does that work?

But it's indicative of how sloppy a lot of thinking about chick-flicks can be. I'm a big fan of rom-coms - my friend at the screening last night accurately described my feelings thus: 'You LOVE this shit!' - but there's also a laziness with a lot of criticism surrounding them. Of course, so much of loving this genre is all about familiarity and feelgood. But that shouldn't stop basic things like realism coming into play.

The Ugly Truth plays big on familiarity. Once again (as in Knocked Up), Heigl is a TV producer and once again (as in 27 Dresses) we're meant to believe that despite her stunning looks and shiny, A-list styling, NO MAN WOULD EVER DATE HER.

Such a premise is classic Sandra Bullock. Remember in Miss Congeniality when her cop colleagues photo-shopped a bikini onto a picture of her? Judging by their reaction, this was meant to be THE MOST DISGUSTING IDEA EVER. Balls. Sandy may not be Megan 'The' Fox but she's still all Hollywood glam. Sticking her in a few chunky knits and giving her a cat doesn't make her a minger.

Still, The Ugly Truth travels this well-worn route and we're meant to go with it. After that, the cliches come thick and fast:

1. The love/hate relationship. Heigl and her new sexist presenter (Gerard Butler) hate each other at first but slowly the ice melts. WELL, WHO'D HAVE GUESSED.

2. The playing out of that relationship in front of an audience. The setting of a live television studio offers characters the chance to, out of the blue, reveal their true feelings, watched by thousands of wooping and clapping viewers in their living rooms. Stressed TV execs in the gallery take 'phonecalls, saying things like: 'That was corporate on the line! They love it!' Seriously, it's like Anchorman never happened. THIS IS NOT HOW TV WORKS.

3. The Bedingfield. Has some research been done that says chick-flick consumers are all obsessed with Natasha Bedingfield? That's the only thing that could explain her warbling presence on the soundtracks of...**deep breath**...Miss Congeniality 2, Sisterhood Of The Travelling Pants, 27 Dresses, Bride Wars, Confessions Of A Shopaholic and now The Ugly Truth.

I know, like I said, chick-flicks are all about a warm, familiar feeling. But there's a difference between cleverly twisting our expectations (Judd Apatow's speciality) and just churning out the same ol' cack. I predict in interviews Kat and Gerry will say stuff like 'it's a movie like those old Katherine Hepburn and Spencer Tracy films' which it categorically ISN'T. You might as well say 'Prisoner: Cell Block H' is like The Shawshank Redemption.

The Ugly Truth does attempt to stamp its own personality on things by being a bit dirtier. The funniest moment 'comes' when Heigl's character puts on a pair of vibrating knickers (seriously). It's actually not as bad as it sounds because KH really is very good at ditzy rom-com, despite her Exec Prodcuer credit for this film suggesting she's anything but flaky. Gerry Butler and his weird, forced American accent on the other hand...

The Ugly Truth is undemanding and that's no bad thing. It's not that terrible. But as a lover of this genre, I'm getting so tired of lazy portrayals (often of the media) that bear no relation to real life. Film-makers seem to think that's okay because 'hey, it's only a chick flick' (similar things are often said about kids' movies).

But why be half-hearted? Why just coast along? A great rom-com can tick all the boxes you expect (incl. Bedingfield) but can also take us to new places along the way. Meryl Streep's turn in The Devil Wears Prada was a classic of understated mystery. I've watched that film UMPTEEN times and still haven't entirely worked her out. Reese Witherspoon's performance in Legally Blonde was a masterpiece of the tongue-in-cheek, an acting lesson in sending-up a cultural type, making someone utterly vacuous totally lovable. Somehow, The Ugly Truth is directed by the same guy.

And then there was Renee Z in Bridget Jones' Diary, brutally sticking two fingers up to cliche at the same time as being, hopelessly, beautifully romantic, thanks to some cheekily acerbic Richard Curtis one-liners. God bless you Bridget. She's the old Katherine Heigl, don't ya know...

The Ugly Truth is out 7th August.

The Ugly Truth is out 7th August

2009-07-08T19:03:00.004+01:00

Got sent my ticket for The Ugly Truth tomorrow night.

Just a guess but I reckon the strategic positioning of the hearts in this shot suggests that she thinks with her head, whilst he thinks with his groin.

Comedy ensues.

Just a guess.

Adventureland loveliness...

2009-07-08T13:54:00.008+01:00

I love films about slackers.

Slow, ponderous films about teenage Summers, growing up, falling in love, drinking too much Strongbow etc.

In this list I would include Before Sunrise, Dazed & Confused, Garden State, The Virgin Suicides , Juno and, at the broader end, Superbad.

And now Greg Mottola, 'helmer' of that last movie, has made Adventureland, a film where Jesse Eisenberg and Kristin Stewart bond one Summer whilst working at the local theme park.

Not a huge amount happens but both the leads are beautifully subtle and there's lots of willowy indie rock on the soundtrack. There are also supporting roles for the frequently-rather-hilarious Bill Hader and the better-in-small-roles Ryan Reynolds.

It's dreamy, slacker rom-com at its finest. It's out here 11th September. Go watch it.

Potentially cack sequel alert.

2009-07-06T17:36:00.005+01:00

Oh 'joy'. The next St. Trinian's film is being made. Here's the press release.

DAVID TENNANT AND SARAH HARDING JOIN RUPERT EVERETT, COLIN FIRTH AND THE GIRLS OF ST TRINIAN’S

AS MAYHEM HITS LONDON FOR EALING STUDIOS’

“ST TRINIAN’S^® II: THE LEGEND OF FRITTON’S GOLD”

Oliver Parker and Barnaby Thompson return to helm on

follow up to UK box office smash

London, 6^th July 2009: Eight weeks of principal photography commences today in and around London and at Ealing Studios on “ST TRINIAN’S^® II: THE LEGEND OF FRITTON’S GOLD”.

David Tennant (Dr. Who) and Sarah Harding (Girls Aloud) will join the cast from“St Trinians” which includes Rupert Everett (My Best Friend’s Wedding, Shakespeare in Love, Stage Beauty) and Colin Firth (Dorian Gray, Mamma Mia!, Bridget Jones’ Diary, Love Actually), Gemma Arterton (Quantum of Solace), Talulah Riley (The Boat That Rocked), Jodie Whittaker (Venus, Cranford), Juno Temple (Atonement, Notes on a Scandal) Tamsin Egerton (Keeping Mum), Celia Imrie (Calendar Girls, Bridget Jones’ Diary) and Fenella Woolgar (How to Lose Friends and Alienate People, Vera Drake). Actors joining the exciting cast line up will include new talents Ella Smith, Zawe Ashton and Montserrat Lombard.

“ST TRINIAN’S^® II: THE LEGEND OF FRITTON’S GOLD” sees the schoolgirls start a new term amidst the usual chaos and excitement. Rupert Everett returns as unconventional headmistress Camilla Fritton and Colin Firth as her old flame Geoffrey Thwaites. A rollercoaster-style treasure hunt for the legendary Fritton’s Gold ensues as they face their most fearsome establishment rivals yet, but the feisty and ever-resourceful girls of St Trinian’s are undeterred in their mission to outwit the villainous Pomfrey (David Tennant) and his sidekicks from the women-hating secret society known as AD1.

On the downside:

1. It's made by the same people who did the last one.

2. It stars people called Fenella, Tallulah, Tamsin and Monsterrat.

3. It will therefore be another thrown together shambles of a film, created by posh old men trying to be cool and lacking anything close to charm or style.

On the upside:

1. I spend a lot of time in Ealing. I may see Sarah Harding.

Some reasons why Bruno is not homophobic.

2009-07-06T14:20:00.005+01:00

1. Bruno is the most OTT character Sacha Baron-Cohen has ever done. No-one is actually REALLY like him. He's just a cartoon character played for comic effect. Just like Will Ferrell did with Ron Burgundy and no-one said that was offensive to newsreaders.*

2. Yes you laugh AT Bruno for the first 10 minutes and then you laugh WITH him - well, the guy behind the mask, Mr Baron-Cohen - as the real targets are revealed...

3. ...the fame-obsessed people of America, from Madonna and her orphans to pushy parents. All actual people, not fictional characters. Bruno wants to be famous and holds a mirror up to that celebrity world. We're watching the reflection.

4. And not forgetting the bigots, the zealots and those who just take themselves waaaay too seriously - we have a laugh at them too.

5. So the fact that Bruno is gay isn't really the main point (it's A point, but not the biggest one). Bruno is shallow and it's shallowness that the film is really about. And then, just like Ali G and Borat do, he realises that love is much more important than anything else. Bless.

6. So that's why. Thanks.

* A newsreading legend told me this. All hail Alistair Stewart.

Someone who is quite good...

2009-07-03T13:00:00.007+01:00

Beverly Hills 90210. Dawson's Creek. The OC.

Shows I have loved and lost and shows where I presumed the stars would go on to great things.

If you consider Mischa Barton being pictured stumbling out of Bungalow 8 as a 'great thing' then I was right. If you're more about great acting in great movies then it's fair to say, I wasn't.

Therefore I'm not going to make any predictions about which stars of my current fave Gossip Girl will go on to great things on 'the silver screen', but I will say this:

BLAKE LIVELY IS VERY GOOD IN HER NEW FILM.

In GG, she's a bit rubbish. Very pretty? Yes. Great clothes? Definately. A mop of blonde hair that's single-handedly keeping John Frieda in business? Absolutely.

But still a bit rubbish.

Yet in 'The Private Lives Of Pippa Lee' she's really rather good as a drugged-up, rebellious teen in 70s New York. There's attitude there but also a real vulnerability that's not just reliant on her being a bit whiny.

The pic's directed by Rebecca Miller, a woman who boasts Daniel Day-Lewis as her hubby and has made the-also-very-good 'Personal Velocity' and 'Ballad Of Jack & Rose' in the past. I'm beginning to believe that she might have a bit of magic in her fingertips since not only is Blake good in 'Pippa Lee', but so is...gasp...Keanu Reeves.

Still, I'm making no predictions about Blake being the next Cate Blanchett. 'Pippa Lee' is worth seeing though. And with Ed Westwick's (Chuck Bass) 'Donnie Darko' sequel 'S.Darko' limping into a couple of cinemas before heading straight-to-DVD she's certainly ahead of the pack. *

Not that I'm making any predictions, mind.

* Until Chace Crawford remakes 'Footloose', anyway.

Some thoughts on the trailer for Ricky Gervais in 'The Invention Of Lying'.

2009-07-02T09:16:00.007+01:00

1. Its title, 'The Invention Of Lying' isn't great but I can see why studio execs chose it over the original name 'This Side Of The Truth', which doesn't mean a huge deal. As it is, the new title is very much in the vein of the story, which is about a world where no-one can lie and everything is matter-of-fact. So if you're going to make a film about the invention of lying, you might as well call it...er... 'The Invention Of Lying'.

2. It's Ricky doing his 'thing'. As in the little-bit-underrated 'Ghost Town' I think his 'thing' works rather beautifully up against big shiny Hollywood types with lovely teeth, like Jennifer Garner and Rob Lowe. They're all polished and fake, he's deadpan and real. Therefore, we like him.

3. Although some people may now be starting to tire of Ricky's 'thing'.

4. The trailer - as is their wont - is a bit brash and brassy but the film probably won't be. At the moment it feels like a Jim Carrey trailer but with Ricky co-writing and co-directing I can't believe the finished product will be. I think it will be less zany, more melancholy and slightly romantic. ALL OF WHICH IS GOOD.

5. This isn't the film that Ricky is currently making with Stephen Merchant. That's 'Cemetery Junction'.

Bandslam is out August 12th

2009-07-01T13:53:00.008+01:00

Bandslam is an odd one.

50% edgy teen issues pic, packed with references to New York scenester bands and avant-garde icons such as 'Dame' David Bowie.

50% tween cheese.

After every cliched 'let's do the show right here' moment, there's dark bit where nihilistic slackers look depressed and listen to Velvet Underground.

So who's going to enjoy this? Who's been asking for a mix of 'Garden State' and 'High School Musical'?

I think it's fair to say that most of us have varied music taste, the classic 'bit of everything, really', but when we pay our money to watch (or listen to) something we tend to like to know exactly what it is we're getting. 'Bandslam' doesn't know what it's giving.

I enjoyed it but then, I didn't have to pay. Its bizarre attempt to snare hugely different demographics turned it into something hugely camp, but that's hardly a quote for the poster. Vanessa Hudgens is pretty good playing it moody and Alyson Michalka (from AJ & Aly, Disney fans) is awesome. Some of the tunes are genuinely powerful too. If you feel like taking a risk, go see it.

But I've just got visions of queues outside cinema toilets when the film is finished, mothers holding hands of their under-10s, the little moppets looking up to their parent and asking, bewildered, 'Mummy, who are Vampire Weekend?'

Pointless 3-D film of the week

2009-06-30T12:09:00.005+01:00

It's a truth universally acknowledged that no-one looks good in 3-D glasses. They always chafe too.

If you going to put yourself through that, you at least want the film to be hurling stuff at you left, right and centre. Few seem to anymore. Disney/Pixar announced last year that all their products will be available in 3-D from now on - but I can't really remember anyone benefiting from 'Bolt' in triple dimensions (apart from Disney/Pixar, since the tickets cost more).

This week, 'Ice Age: Dawn Of The Dinosaurs' (pictured) is another one. Not one reason for it to be in 3-D and yet there I sat, these clunky lumps of heavy plastic slowly sliding down my nose every five minutes, resting on the end of my hooter like David Dickinson's jaunty reading glasses off of daytime telly. Rubbish.

Concert movies have a bit more reason to be in 3-D (you're getting the stadium atmos) but who really goes to see them? And NO-ONE, not even your worst enemy, should have to witness that bit in 'Jonas Brothers: The 3-D Concert Experience' were Jo, Nick and Kevin Jnr whip out their huge hoses and spray their teenage girl audience with white foam. IN 3-D. So, so wrong.

So for 99% of the time it's a huge waste of time and money. Thank god for the 1% like this (WARNING - gratuitous green knickers shot 58 secs in):

This will NOT be Lesbian Vampire Killers 2.

2009-06-29T12:40:00.005+01:00

Greetings from 'London's trendy' Camden, where I'm in 'London's trendy' Koko Club for the filming of a new movie.

The Koko Club was where Charlie Chaplin first performed, fact fans, so it seems apt that Britain's latest comedy exports are filming here. Yep, Ricky Gervais and Steve Merchant have momentarily put global TV/podcast/Barclay's-ad domination to one side to make 'Cemetery Junction', their debut feature as writer/directors. There are 5 more weeks of filming and the pic's out next April.

Here's what I've learnt today:

1. Today's scene is a big Saturday night club moment. It's set in the 70s so all the...ahem...extras are resplendent in great retro gear. There's a great Northern Soul track playing. There are huge afros everywhere and one guy, Ricky reckons, 'looks just like Russ Abbott'.

2. There's a beautiful single take steadicam shot as the 4 leads run into the club. It's all very Scorsese.

3. The three leads are lovely. Christian Cooke (who looks a bit like Gael Garcia Bernal) plays nice guy Freddie; Tom Hughes (who looks a bit like Nicholas Hoult) plays cool guy Bruce; and Jack Doolan (who looks a bit like Jack Black) plays dopey guy Snork. Ralph Fiennes is also in it, as Freddie's boss AND the father of his crush, Julie (played by Felicity Jones, who doesn't look like anyone particularly but is just astoundingly good looking).

4. It's all very filmic (see point 2), both in terms of script and look, which is something Ricky and Steve are very keen to make a point of. It's an intimate story of 4 friends starting out in life but it's more than aware that it's gotta fill the big screen.

5. There's some very entertaining stuff about the shoot on www.rickygervais.com

6. 'Cemetery Junction' is going to be AMAZING.

'Bruno' might need a trim...

2009-06-26T09:32:00.008+01:00

...after last night's events.

Why? Well, it features a Michael Jackson gag (even though there's virtually a death threat hanging over anyone that talks about 'Bruno' before it's out, I love the film, HUGELY recommend it and have committed my name to the poster so I think that at least entitles me to share one tiny moment with you).

Basically, one of the many 'celebs' that Bruno interviews in his usual style is a charmingly hapless La Toya Jackson. She doesn't last long before walking out but the tipping point is a quip about her brother Michael.

Now Sacha Baron-Cohen's made a career out of being shocking but I don't think even he would want to be seen as mocking in the current atmosphere. Okay, so no-one could've predicted MJ's sad death but Sacha and director Larry Charles should consign this bit to the dustbin before the pic's out in a couple of weeks.

If not, it's gonna be a very odd moment in an HILARIOUS movie.

UPDATE: 'Digital Spy' website (which is normally pretty good) is reporting that the scene has now been cut. Now Sacha just has to pray that nothing horrible happens to Paula Abdul (ooops, I've given another bit away).

Here's the packaging for a new fizzy drink...

2009-06-25T12:01:00.006+01:00

...oh no, sorry. It's the latest poster for 'Fame'.

It releases (as they say in Hollywood) on September 25 (as they also say in Hollywood).

It's actually coming a little bit late in the day, since we've now had 3 'High School Musical's and 2 'Step Up's and the fun 'Band Slam' is on its way in the Summer.

Still, I think it will be all kinds of amazingness. I'm just trying to forget the words 'Britannia' and 'High'.

Prepare to be miserable. My Sister's Keeper is out.

2009-06-25T09:09:00.007+01:00

Enjoying the sunshine? Having a great holiday? Don't worry... Auntie Cameron's here to make you feel like the world's ended. In other words, that poster where she's laughing at something Abigail Breslin has hilariously said, isn't really like the film.

In the realm of cancer movies, 'My Sister's Keeper' is so upsetting it makes 'Stepmom' look like 'Mamma Mia!'. It makes 'Terms Of Endearment' look like 'Dude, Where's My Car?'. It's the movie equivalent of an Eva Cassidy double album, like hearing her plinky-plonk version of 'Somewhere Over The Rainbow' on repeat for 100 mins (okay, enough comparisons - Ed).

Shame on me for loving (almost) every second of its sugar-soaked, schmaltzy soppiness. Cameron D - as I believe Destiny's Child like to call her - is rather great as the mother of a girl with leukemia. Serious balls. It nearly made me forget about 'What Happens In Vegas'. Nearly.

And director Nick 'The Notebook' Cassavettes - who Dr Kermode tells me EVERY TIME he has a film out, used to work in "erotic thrillers" - isn't afraid to show you the blood, sweat and vomit associated with terminal illness. Hardly a laugh riot, but that's kinda the point.

There are too many "sad and emotional" songs on the soundtrack. 13 in fact, which over 1 hour 40 works out at about one every 8 minutes. By the time Jeff Buckley pipes up over the end credits you do feel like someone has just shot your dog.

But in a Summer so full of cold, FX-laden shoot-outs, it was actually really refreshing to see something so full of raw, human emotion. Real-ish people with real problems.

How to spot a Michael Mann film...

2009-06-25T08:54:00.007+01:00

1. Guns

2. Men

3. Men with guns*

4. The niggling feeling that the film just isn't quite as good as it could be or as everyone is saying**

* 'guns' meaning 'muscles', in the case of 'Ali'. And in 'Last Of The Mohicans' they were probably muskets or summat.

** okay, maybe not 'Collateral'.

Zooey Deschanel and her awesomeness.

2009-06-24T22:19:00.006+01:00

Awesome because...

1. She is naturally a little off-the-wall. In a Hollywood where Jennifer Aniston and Kate Hudson are usually described as 'kooky' (even though they aren't), it's refreshing to see someone who actually really is the full-on nut-job. In rom-coms, this is AMAZING.

2. She wears great clothes. She's like the Chloe Sevigny that you don't want to slap.

3. She is named after a JD Salinger character. This sort of pretentiousness can be kinda sexy. Speaking of which....

4..... she looks like Katy Perry.

5. She can sing and is in a band. See 'Elf' for evidence.

6. Her dad Caleb is a cinematographer. He shot some of 'Apocalypse Now', a film that is occasionally as pretentious as naming your child after a JD Salinger character but is still universally acclaimed as a CLASSIC. Well done to you, Caleb.

6. Her next film is '(500) Days Of Summer', where clearly the director had as big a crush on her as I do since it's basically a love letter to her awesomeness. It's also a rather clever dissection of our romantic insecurities (or something). It's out early Autumn, which is brilliant since it's not that long away but a bit dumb considering the movie's title.